Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
