I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
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Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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