you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
