dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
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I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The adults are the big ones right?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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