Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
