How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize