Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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