you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
