kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
