we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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