Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
