I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
