sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
