You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
