It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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