My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize