I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
COCAINE IS GR8
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
