he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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