I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
