dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
