just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
