i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
