Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
im six kinds of drunk right now
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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