omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
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I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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