the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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