Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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