So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
