Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
