i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
