my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
