he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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