Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
