I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
