just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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