hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
