1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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