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Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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