he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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