You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
