Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
