found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
