It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
