1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
