Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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