I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
