i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
