Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
