Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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