I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
