girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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