I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
