i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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