Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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