I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
