I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
