I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
