i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
