So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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