Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
