should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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