who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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