your parents love me but you hate me
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
me + whiskey = a bad person
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
